recover.

Sometimes, I really wish I could reach deep and crumple up all the past me's into a crumbly, wrinkly, knotted mess and toss it out on the side of the road with someone else's rubbish.

It's really hard to see sometimes that the past has been good and it has positively dictated the person I am at this point, and then as soon as I think that, I think what a fucked up thought that is. I've had a real hard time lately thinking positively about the year leading up to this time last year. When I think about it, parts of it eat at me so harshly there isn't much left.  It probably eats at me pretty harshly because I haven't given it much of a chance until here lately.
I'm always that lame-ass that sits thinking " wow... a year ago, I was..." Well friends, going back to the place I was a year ago is the worst voyage I could make. I don't want to re-live any of it, not even for a second. With the exception of six-months before I turned eighteen, it was the closest thing I've been to feeling like I was trapped in one of those personal hell deals you hear people talk about.
The people, outside of my family and those very few I consider family, I was hanging around were the absolute worst people I could be around at that time. Fortunately, that's the most positive thing I can say that has happened in this year. I've broken several toxic ties that had their claws so deep in me, I couldn't even see it.

I find myself homesick and lonely sometimes, and then I have to make myself remember what it was like and why I was aching so bad to get out.

It is almost refreshing to think I'm almost a full year into recovering from it all. Keep on keepin on, y'all.