atoms...peace

"If you do what you've always done, you'll always get the same results" -- quote to live by, and I try rather hard at times to break out and do things differently when I am getting frustrated by the continuation of less than satisfactory results. I've been really hard on my self and less hard on others than I should be. Why is it I always beat myself up over not being my idea of what I should be? I've had to push myself off of me and stop letting myself get the best of what's left of me. I'm always telling me that I'm not good enough and I don't act exactly the way I should. It's hard to be something you really want to be when you can't even believe enough in yourself.

Over the past year, I've become things that I wasn't before and I'm finding it really difficult to own it. I feel like the title's I have been given are way to big to wear and I feel so out of place. When I'm sitting in a group of people with whom I've accomplished just the same, I feel like I don't belong and I'm not as good as they are. Excuse the upcoming profanity, but what the fuck? Why, why do I beat myself to this place and continue pushing myself in such a dark undesirable hole.

Dear me,
Stop it, just stop it.